I grew up in a culture in which girls had to prove that they are just as capable as boys. To be a daughter in a culture in which sons are golden, I had to prove my worth. I had to ignore my limitations. I had to learn to be invincible.
So when I got sick and I was crippled with pain a few times, I really detested being in a position to ask for help. I felt vulnerable. Weak. I felt like Wonder Woman all my life until October of 2012.
I have a really good friend, R, whom I have known for maybe 5 months, but I totally bonded with. Interestingly enough and serendipitously, everything in R‘s path were cleared so that my friend can focus on healing, except R wouldn’t ask for help and remained very independent–while still continuing to help others. R is back in the hospital and we are all worried, but because of R, I learned something valuable.
In part 1 of Oprah’s Lifeclass with Dr. Brené Brown, Dr. Brown said something really profound…
“When you cannot accept and ask for help without self-judgment, then when you offer other people help, you are always doing so with judgment.”
How many of you know people who are dreadfully sick? How many of them are so nice and so giving that you can’t believe that they could have cancer, an incurable disease, or something else just as dreadful?
I heard, earlier this month, at the Hay House World Summit via a conversation with Dr. Lissa Rankin, that most people who are sick are those who are constantly giving of themselves and they often fail to take care of their own selves. They keep on helping others, until they are derailed by sickness, and they become the ones that need help.
Still today, I am always ready to help others, just like R, but I also realized that it is not only important to take care of myself, but that in order to help myself, sometimes I need to be gracious enough to ask for and accept help.
So, R, I know you will eventually read this because I practically shoved the link down your throat… ;D We are here for you. You don’t even have to ask, but please do! Do it for self-love! Do it for you! We are ready to give you our most precious gift… our time.
Dr. Brené Brown on Help and Judging (Huffington Post article)
Dr. Brené Brown on Help and Judging Video (Oprah’s Lifeclass)
Hay House World Summit (2014)
Dr. Lissa Rankin