Archives for posts with tag: Surrender

“True love is an act of total surrender.” –Paulo Coelho

20140907-044526.jpgI am grateful for my constant reminders to keep me focus on what’s important to me.

20140708-220955.jpgSometimes, in order to travel light, you need to release some baggages. Sometimes those baggages come as hopes and dreams that you put a lot of expectations on–the kinds that if they do not come to pass, it will make you go backwards.

Sometimes, you need to see your hopes and dreams set on fire–better yet, if you were the one who lit them and released them, with a clear heart and mind…

Surrender, let go, release… For the highest good of all…

20140411-011701.jpgI am thankful, and very grateful, for the entire 21 days of Oprah & Deepak’s Finding Your Flow meditation experience.  When I had decided to redo my Trust The Flow #1 project, I was worried if I could truly do it. I had a hard time before.

Luckily, Finding Your Flow came at the right time.  It made surrendering, letting go, and going with the flow, a whole lot easier. I felt “supported.”  I felt “empowered.”  Even through some really tough times.

I was glad I signed up. I was glad I was diligent each day. I was glad I opened my heart and mind to the teaching and experience.

I loved it, and 21 days of my 45-day Trust The flow #1 project, went much smoother because of Finding Your Flow.

Link:
Visit The Chopra Center Meditation for more information on available meditation experiences.

(Image courtesy of The Chopra Center.)

Related Posts (so far):
Trust The Flow #1 Project
Trust The Flow #1 Redo
Trust The Flow #1: The First Day
Trust The Flow #1: The Second Day
Trust The Flow #1: First Week

20140426-182013.jpgI like the image above. It is so funny, and I can honestly say, I have done this a couple of times, too.

I like a clean house though. Even at work, I have the cleanest cubicle. I can’t function well in a disorganized place.

As I am still healing and trying not to exacerbate anything, and most of all, learning to be gentle with my body, cleaning my house means I have to do them in steps, and sometimes over several days.

So while I was putting a bag of brown sugar into a shelf (okay, I need to come clean and tell you that I was throwing the bag into a shelf about 5 feet up), it broke and sugar spilled on my counter and newly mopped floor… I was happy that I just laughed at the situation.

Why was I happy? Because I automatically shrugged it off and went with the flow of it. Which means I am becoming a little more comfortable with the whole “surrender” and “going with the flow” thing. Kinda cool, right? So that is most definitely something to be grateful for. Now to clean the sugary mess!

20140419-073839.jpgHave you ever met someone with whom you have a strong connection with?  That must be a soul mate.  Soul mates come as a parent, a friend, a sibling, a lover, or a stranger.  They stay for all of your life or even just for a moment.

When I was younger, I used to believe that soul mates bring love, joy, happiness, and only good things, but I came to know the real truth… They come to give opportunities for growth, and these opportunities can be good, bad, or even in between.  They make you look at yourself, and face a choice–change and grow, or remain the same.

I have someone in my life that bring me a lot of growth. He doesn’t realize what I mean when tell him I am grateful to him because I am growing so much…becoming much more aware.  When we interact, I get a chance to test all that I have learned.

Starting on Thursday, I started to have a hard time with just going with the flow.  With this man, I started to become anxious.  I tried to do my best to keep busy and meditate, and not feel so anxious. By Friday, my anxiousness grew too much. When I heard from him, with a change of plans, I chose to respond with fear.  After going through what happened for the umpteenth time, I realized that things became weird because of a lot of misunderstandings.  Then I felt a deep sorrow for what had happened.

Fear is a terrible thing.  A terrible thing indeed.  It makes you do stupid things.  I realized just how much I still had to work on, because of fear.  How much more I had to face, and to break.

Going with the flow was hard the last couple of days. I had to do A LOT of work to get back to it. A LOT of work on self-love, on self-worth, on forgiveness…  I had to get back to the flow, so I reached in, and made a choice to get up from my fall.

My mom and Aunt decided to watch the movie, Heaven Is For Real, last night, and had a ticket for me too.  It was a good rendition of the book, and made me feel better about things, having watched something so wholesome and good.  I was able to sleep well, with dreams still to sort through, but it brought new understanding this Easter day.

Today’s Finding The Flow mediation on “finding consciousness,” helped, as well as the gathering with family.  The path to surrender and going with the flow has not always been easy for me, but I choose to continue with this journey, and continue to learn to trust.

20140506-100429.jpgToday is day three of Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s Finding Your Flow Meditation Experience.

Today’s meditation is about finding the power within–to align with your true power.

While meditating, I recalled a memory from when I was a small child. My paternal grandmother would often take me with her to visit churches, spiritual healers, etc.

We would often visit a particular healer’s house, but while they were talking in the house, I would have to stay in the courtyard, to sit and keep my frilly dress from getting dirty.

The healer’s 14 year old nephew would often tease and taunt me (I was 5 or 6), even when I would just be playing by myself. One day, I had enough, curled my fist, and decked him. I can still remember the surprised look on his face and the blood oozing from his lip, but he stopped bugging me after that.

I am not relating this to encourage violence, but I remember keeping what I did a secret on the way back. There was a sense of shame for what I did (yet a feeling of empowerment at the same time), plus I didn’t want my grandmother to see that the knuckle on my right hand was severely skinned–like coming off. I kept my hand hidden the whole way home.

In life, we often come across really hard experiences, and sometimes we tolerate our situation until we have had enough.

This happened when I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger. The brave little girl inside of me had to encourage the broken woman I had become to get her power back and leave the negative situation. I had to build myself up to find and strengthen myself so I would never ever again be in the same situation, and to finally know my worth. My worth came from finding the power within and from my long and continuing hard work on self love.

Today’s centering thought is “my power and strength are within.”

Today’s Sanskrit mantra is Ram, which means “I am strength.”

Link:
Visit The Chopra Center to sign up for the free 21-day meditation experience.

(Image courtesy of The Chopra Center.)

20140415-213009.jpgI am unsure yet if I will be doing a daily post about my 45 day journey as I surrender and let go with the flow. I am logging my experiences in a mini journal (as pictured above which I tweaked for privacy), and I am thinking of maybe doing summaries every few days or so.  I feel like I might end up spending way too much time in front of the computer and phone that I won’t have time to live my life.

Day 2 started very early for me. Mini Panther seems to have become much more loving the older he gets (he is twelve years old, but was a family cat for the first nine years with my mom). I woke up at least twice very early in the morning as he snuggled further towards me, nearly pushing me off the bed.  I have a queen sized bed with plenty of room.  This is my first cat pet experience so do cats become more loving/social as they get older?

I was picking up my co-worker and friend, PDJ, to carpool to work this morning. I told him I would get him at 6:35 a.m.  He said that if I made it on time, he would buy me lunch.  Darn, but I was late by 2 minutes.

In the end, he still wanted to buy me lunch (when we carpool, we treat each other once in a while for driving), but he had forgotten his wallet. HaHa. More about that later.

He told me during the drive that one of our friends showed my new FB profile picture to a newly single guy, who wants to meet me, but he got a lot of flack because he met me half a year ago.  PDJ and the guys wants to set me up.

PDJ and I had volunteer work today at Loaves and Fishes.  We prepped the dining hall, prepped some of the cold dishes (hot dish came from another site), prepped the donated bread and other items for the community to take from, served the meals, and helped with clean up of the kitchen.  During the service, I was in charge of the beverage table (one napkin per client as I was told and I needed to remind them to bring their cups for refills.  I have a soft speaking voice (not so my power singing voice), so I sometimes had to let them know about the refill twice.  Perhaps I should have sang the reminder.  Today, we served 164 meals.

We just don’t know… just don’t know what these clients are going through in their lives.  I felt sad to look into some of the clients’ eyes which were so deadened, they walk as if walking dead, but there were others whose eyes still had light sparking back. They still have hope.

Like the funny man who tried to speak to me in one of my racial languages.  He was so cute, coming back towards me with a different word each time.  There was a little girl from a family of four, tentative and shy to ask for napkins or drinks, whose eyes still shined with innocence.  There was even a boisterous lady who went from table to table to inspire camaraderie and hope.

I was glad to have a chance to do this event.  I’ve decided to plan an event for my group in the future.  I believe that serving others is a way for us to put our feet into someone else’s shoes, and an opportunity to gain more empathy for others.  Just as we are, they are doing their best…

After the volunteer event, PDJ and I decided to grab lunch. PDJ had forgotten his wallet, and I only had a $20 on me (I thought I was getting a free lunch. LOL).  So we ended up at a Vietnamese/Hawaiian/Filipino/Mexican fusion eatery through the help of Yelp.  We lucked out as we ordered as we found out that our mini tacos (Sweet & salty pulled pork (YUM), Tempura Tilapia (YUM), and Spicy chicken (OK)) were buy 2, get 1 free on Tuesdays. When I heard that (with our eyes hungrier than our stomachs), I also ordered a side order of the spam fried rice and garlic noodles to try. This was a newly opened place so PDJ was able to give them some honest feedback to help them with the side dishes.

20140415-223427.jpg When we left work today, PDJ and I had an opportunity to do a random act of kindness.  Hopefully, this somehow helped.

I once wrote about a path to a park I wanted to explore but didn’t get a chance to.  On the way home, PDJ showed me the entrance to the park (it is in his neighborhood), so now I know.  I stopped by the cemetery (also near his neighborhood), on the way home, to visit my grandparent’s grave.  For some reason, I feel sorry for flower pots that have turned over on people’s plots, and end up righting them back up.  My mom once asked me why I always did that, but I don’t really know why.

Mom picked me up for our Acupuncture sessions in the afternoon.  My Acupuncturist looked at my back and said that my volunteer job took its toll on me.  I was on my feet for four hours.  She is so good.  She used to be a doctor in China, and followed the training of learning not only Western medicine but also Chinese medicine philosophy.  I shared a meditation with her, which I used while a pin cushion.  Today’s sessions were very restful.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Mom and I had a light dinner and we bought some groceries at an Asian market. I picked up some stuff for an upcoming dinner and also to play (with new recipes to share with you).  And that was my going with the flow day, today.  (OMG, this took me a long time to write, I better go as tomorrow will be a very long day.  Good night!)

20140415-081545.jpgToday is day two of Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s Finding Your Flow Meditation Experience.

Today’s meditation is about finding happiness within, so that you can find joy in each day and be able to deflect some of the blows and jabs in life. If the blows and jabs do connect, you will have the grace you need to lessen the impact it has on you or help you heal faster from it.

I know, from experience, that when I choose to be happy and go about my day with this mindset, I flow through life much more with ease.

I have learned that the only one who can make me feel happy is myself, and the only one who can take that feeling of happiness away is also myself. The choice is always mine.

Today’s centering thought is “I am the source of unlimited happiness.”

Today’s Sanskrit mantra is Yam, which means “I am happiness.”
20140415-081611.jpg
Link:
Visit The Chopra Center to sign up for the free 21-day meditation experience.

(Image courtesy of The Chopra Center.)

20140414-190411.jpgToday started out well. My car had a new battery and I had a much better appreciation for it, knowing I am free again to go wherever I wished, at any time, without needing anyone’s help. The drive to work was subdued and I just flowed with the traffic, listening to songs from my iPhone, because I didn’t notice yesterday that I needed to put in the code for my radio system, after my car battery was changed.

When I arrived to work and opened my e-mail, despite seeing that my performance review was available for me to read, I didn’t have any qualms about what it may contain. I was on two medical leaves for about 11 weeks total last year. I wasn’t expecting it to be like the performance rating I received the year before.

I didn’t have any anxiousness of what the review may contain, but after having read it, there was a part of the performance review that bothered me… something to do with me pushing through my health issue and physical pain during the healing process after returning to work.

“Her dedication is extremely admirable and was recognized by her fellow Project Team Members and her peers. Mercedita literally gave up her “body and soul” for this project.

I did not feel that this was a good thing. It reminds me of when I used to work like a dog without care of my body, which led me to getting sick in the first place. Yet I think it was just the wording that bothered me really, and I let it go.

Luckily, today was the first day of Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s Finding Your Flow meditation experience (see next post), and it was about “finding security”, so that no matter what happens, you can go within to a place where you can feel safe, even if there are rain storms outside.  It seems so fitting today. 😉

You would think that getting your performance review may be enough fun to experience in one day, but I received a call from my Uncle, who was preparing my taxes, to let me know that I will be paying again this year.

Again, I was going to go with the flow today. I put my trust in and I already had a mindset that today will be okay. With a refund from the State, I would only have to pay less than $200 for my Federal taxes. Whew!

The only sad thing was that I forgot my lunch at home, but it gave me an opportunity to go outside and enjoy the sun and get some vitamin D (which my Acupuncturist said I needed anyway). So it turned out well. I picked up a caesar salad, and halfway through I realized that I should be mindful of eating, rather than checking e-mail, so I decided to practice mindfulness and truly be in the moment of tasting and chewing my food.

I enjoyed the tanginess of the dressing, made spicy by the speckles of black pepper. The salty parmesan cheese shreds were soft against the contrasting crunchiness of the sweet romaine lettuce and hard garlicky croutons. I even delighted in the way the dressing infiltrated the porous insides of the croutons.  It was a tasty lunch.

Something else happened today.  I came back from picking up lunch and I was barraged by a lot of texts, about rain boots… Here is a glimpse of what it’s like to hear from me via text (my response is the blue one).

20140414-190714.jpg  20140414-190731.jpg

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Here is a picture of the rain boots that made everyone curious.
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But here is something that friend, R, sent after the rain boots picture that was the best picture of all.
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I got home fine.  My forgotten lunch became my dinner, and reruns on the Travel Channel are playing to keep me company as I type my posts.  Overall… I think my first day of surrendering and letting go went well, I think.  I need to work on quieting my mind more (there is still too much chatter) and to be more mindful and present in the moment.

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