Archives for posts with tag: Imzadi

20140430-124032.jpgWhen I first laid eyes on “Exsomnis” by Tomasz Rut, I was rooted (sorry for the pun) to the spot. It was one of the featured art for auction on a cruise that I took in 2012.

I was really simply there to view what was going to be auctioned that day, but I found myself in front of “Exsomnis” several times.

It pulled on my heartstrings like you wouldn’t believe. It touched me to the very core of my being. It shined a beacon on what was missing in my heart… in my life… It left me both devastated and breathless at the same time.

At the last minute, I made the bid for it, and luckily, I was the only bidder.

Exsomnis,” which means “Sleepless” in Latin, hangs over my bed, so I get to see it every single day, with hopes of one day finding and connecting with that one man, the Imzadi, with whom I can share such passion with.

This is my Happy for Day 11… “Exsomnis.”

#100HappyDays #TomaszRut #Exsomnis #FineArt #Imzadi #Happy

I am on Day 2 of The 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford. I started this exercise to try to release other barriers and resistance I am holding on to, including breaking the fear to love. I am hoping this will clear any remaining issues I have, because I want my heart open, stay open, and it would be awesome to meet my Imzadi. 🙂

Prompt: Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Which of your responsibilities stress you out the most?

Familial responsibilities have a way of getting to me, especially during trying times. Although I can remain pretty calm even when things are really bad, it is when the others are having a hard time that can really get to me.

Yesterday morning, when Auntie J received the news that her husband had a cardiac arrest (although revived), she let out a soulful wail and broke down. Auntie would joke that she and I are similar and I should have been her kid.

Hearing her yesterday morning, I think I may do the same, faced with similar scenarios. I am working on having a truly, unwaveringly open heart, but I am really scared.

I know I am the type to love with all of me; hence, the reason why I fear to love and have never been in love. I fear that loving fully this way may break me. It has been a daily process for me to work on releasing this fear because I do want to be with my Imzadi and have my little family one day.

I can deal with anything that comes my way. I know I am strong and capable, but anything to do with family is what stresses me out the most, because it is a very important part of my life.

Nearly 6 months ago, I went to an Art/Play exhibit by Ragged Wing Ensemble to support some new friends.  As we walked in, we were given a pen and some tags to add our thoughts to some interactive displays on the wall.  I would like to share a couple of my responses.

The first three pictures were for the display “When I met (meet) the love of my life I was (I will be)…

loveofmylife2The two circles at the very top were written by the parents of one of my new friends. They were so adorable. The first said, “I was 19 and he was 21. That’s 59 years ago.” The second one said, “We have remained Friends, Lovers, and Companions since 1953.” How cute, right? I love it the most that they have been all three–Friends, Lovers, and Companions!


This couple may have already celebrated 60 years together. That is a great feat. With so many divorces out there, it is always so nice to meet couples, or hear about couples, celebrating 10, 20, to up to 60+ years of marriage!


Back then, I was working on self-love, but at that time, I didn’t yet realize that only I had the power to open my heart. I am grateful that I realized my power!


For this second display, I wrote that I was still waiting for “my Imzadi.” The term, “Imzadi” is from Star Trek: The Next Generation (I love Star Wars too). It is a Betazoid term meaning “the first person with whom one has shared not only physical intimacy, but spiritual intimacy as well.” It is synonymous to “Beloved.”

I am grateful for the anticipation of one day meeting my Imzadi!


Ragged Wing Ensemble

Related Posts:

Day 6/365: Unconditionally

Day 30/365: When In Doubt, Follow Your Heart

Musings On Love

Day 39/365: Hope

Day 41/365: Free Floating, Patched Up Heart


If you died today, would you be happy with the life you have lived?  Well, since you are not dying today, not that I know of anyway ;-), you have a chance to make some changes, right?  Why not write your obituary so that you can be sure that you are living your life the way you want it to be lived.

Please don’t think about it as an exercise of mortality or morbidity.  Let it be an exercise of “no regrets.”  This way, it can be a sort of rules to live by for a life fully (and well) lived.

Here is my working copy of the fun stuff:

Mercedita lived her life fiesty ’til her last breath (which sounded more like a laugh), and with a peaceful smile (smirk?) on her face.  She was surrounded by her family and friends until her last moments, reminiscing about the wonderful times they all shared with her.

She was a prolific writer, healer, world traveler, and foodie until the very end.  Her last meal was a sashimi plate of hamachi (yellow tail), toro (fatty tuna), sake (salmon), and shiro maguro (white tuna) with a nigiri plate of uni (sea urchin roe) and ikura (salmon roe) with a quail egg yolk on top.  This nearly centenarian’s last thrilling adventure (just the other day) was paragliding.

Mercedita was a philanthropist, donating her time and money to countless charitable organizations to fight hunger, support education, and mentorship to children in underserved communities.

She saved the lives of three children while living and hopes as a donor to save more lives.

To add one day: 😉

She follows her Imzadi to heaven, and leaves behind two beautiful children and their equally beautiful families.

How’s that?  That wasn’t macabre, right?  Make it fun (and funny)!

I am grateful to have the chance to review my life, so that I can make necessary changes to be able to live my life without regrets later.  Now the hard part… to be brave!

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