Archives for posts with tag: Change

“You cannot grow unless you are willing to change. You will never improve yourself if you cling to what used to be.” -Leon Brown

clearheartLast night, I was helping someone who was in very much emotional pain. The kind that impinged on her self-worth… the kind where all hurts converged and they weighed her down to the bottom of the sea of despair.

While during this painful episode, she did some things that I would call self-sabotage, and wanted to continue to make more like decisions. Those would eventually hurt her even more.

I understand how she felt. I’ve been there before, many times, but here are some things I’ve asked her to do and some things I’ve learned to do to help myself:

1. Remember someone important


We are so much more than what we have experienced thus far. We are worthy of love, blessings, and miracles. We must remember how important we are.

We must remember that only we can love ourselves that way we need to be loved.  We need to love ourselves so much that no one can take that away from us or allow ourselves to give our self-worth and our self-love away.  We can love others so much more, if we have loads of it inside.

If you can’t remember, go to #2…

2. Reach out to someone

Reach out to someone who care about you.  Someone who can tell you the truth to your face when you need to hear it, but can listen and be compassionate, when you need that more.  They will help you remember #1.

3. Do something good for yourself

We need to do things on a regular basis that make us feel good like reading, laughing, cooking, writing, journaling, meditating, running, walking, singing, whatever they may be… We need to do something loving for ourselves, especially when we are in pain.

4.  Don’t make any decisions (especially rash ones) while emotional

We can be our own worse enemies when we are hurt. We can get in the way of our own happiness or do self-sabotaging things. If we decide when we are emotionally in pain, we might make decisions that can hurt us in the end or we will regret.  Wait… Sleep on it.  Wait until you have a clear heart.

5.  Enact a “Feel Good” day

This day (and it could be a few hours) is an uninterrupted “me” time.  Schedule these days as you need them.  These “Feel Good” days are days when you do everything you enjoy and love, unplugged or not.  (You can expand it to be “Feel Good Us” day or “Feel Good Family” day too)

I am grateful to be of help to someone dear last night. I am grateful to share some techniques that may be helpful to you or someone you know, in whole or in part.

Related Post:
To Have A Clear Heart
Lesson I Learned Yesterday

20140115-180907.jpgWhen I was in college, I took an art class.  I aced the self-portrait by charcoal.  I have always been good at doing portraits (some interesting innate gift I found out one day). However, I sucked at perspective drawing. I had a very hard time with spatial relational drawing or drawing lines that converged.

So it was weird that when I got home the other day that I just noticed the bird nest on the tree out front!  The leaves have all fallen off a while ago, so why did I just notice the bird nest?

I guess it was also a perspective thing.

When the tree was at its peak, all lush with green leaves, I would have probably heard the birds that decided to make it home, but I would not have seen them or their home.  Now that it’s Winter and the tree is bare, that was the only way I could have seen the nest.

I guess, that’s true in life too. Sometimes, we can’t see things for their beauty or even for what they truly are until after a change occurs, like a change in seasons. Sometimes, we have to change our perspectives to always see beauty or the good in everything or everyone.

I am grateful for a lesson in perspectives today.

curiosityDuring my last long walk, at the peak of the paved path, there was an unpaved path along the water that piqued my curiosity, but for some reason, I didn’t explore it. I wanted to, but somehow I didn’t.  It bothered me ever since.

I did some thinking and even some rationalizing like… I had already walked several miles, I was getting hungry, it was getting late, and I had to walk back. There was no one around, what if something happened to me.  I didn’t know where it led.

Seriously… how could someone who is always curious and inquisitive, who lived in another country and even traveled to another country where she didn’t speak the language, feel the fear of what?  The unknown?


I seemed to have developed a fear. I feel very unhappy about it. It’s not the way I want to live.

Incidentally, my friend, P, from yesterday, actually told me where the path led, when I mentioned what happened.

While I am not grateful for having this fear, I am grateful for knowing that this is around, so that I can make a very important change.

I am grateful for Oprah’s Lifeclass with Dr. Brené Brown, Part 1 (watching Part 2 soon). I may be one of the few people who haven’t heard of her, but I now know who Dr. Brown is. Wow!

Here are some of her quotes:

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”

When I started this blog, I really vacillated on how much of myself to share. I was afraid of being vulnerable.

You see, this is my second blog. I started my first blog almost a year ago, and for the most part, it is anonymous. In it, I wrote about my past emotional and physical pain, and what I learned from facing my pain, abuse, mistrust, and my fears–in order to live my most authentic self.

I felt that my first blog helped me to face past baggages, cleanse, and find myself. I am grateful I was able to get a lot of things off my chest and make positive changes in my life. I feel that I have transcended most of the obstacles of my past and can now move on–which also meant, letting go of the first blog.

I knew that by putting this second blog up, I will publicly be putting myself out there, especially when I start working on my bucket list and posting images of my adventures as I complete them.

After watching part 1 of the Lifeclass with Dr, Brené Brown, I realized that vulnerability is also part of living life fully, and opening myself up is a brave thing to do and can help me connect much better with others.

Dr. Brown said, “there’s nothing more daring than showing up, putting ourselves out there and letting ourselves be seen.”

Being vulnerable allows us to be our most authentic selves.

I am grateful also to the people who have followed me thus far, and for sharing their own experiences, thoughts, and stories in their own blogs–and for showing their own vulnerabilities also. Thank you for our new connection and for inspiring me with you own posts.

Some links to share:

Brené Brown’s Site
Oprah’s Lifeclass with Dr. Brené Brown

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